Dashing

_Sunday, April 27, 2008

237 am on 24th April 2008, a person that my family looked up to the most return to Rahmahtullah. My loved nenek, Zawiyah Bte Abdullah, passed of Pneumonia.

When I got the call at 240 that morning, I was in shock. Though it has been 3 weeks since she was in the hospital, I was still in shock. I woke my mom up. It tore me to relay the news to my mom. It took her a full 3 mins to register the news in her mind and she slowly got up. I woke my sisters up as well. They were up in a matter of few seconds. But only my mom and I went to the hospital. By the time we reached, we bumped into Pak Ngah and Mak Ngah. Pak Ngah is Nenek's eldest son. The moment my mom saw him, she salam him and they both started crying. It was hard to see them in grief. The last that I saw Pak Ngah cried was when he was going to Haji, which was a long time ago.

We went up and Mak Cha and Mak Nah was already there. Mak Cha, being the one who took care of her, was crying very hard. I saw Nenek. She looked peaceful and I am sure that she is now in a very good place. We linger for a while, the rest of Nenek's children came. All was there.
By 3 plus, the ladies are at Nenek's house to prepare for the body to come home. It was difficult to see her sons and grandsons carry her to her bedroom while all of us watch. I was in pain. A pain that I last felt when my dad passed away.

We did what was necessary while waiting for the time for her last bath. I was there to watch, though I did not managed to see everything. Her daughters and daughter-in-laws were there to assist. When it was time for her to go, everyone was crying. Not only her children who felt the lost, but also us, her grandchildren.

For as long as I could remember, she was always around. I remembered playing with her scarfs at her place, she feeding me my lunch while I'm running around with my cousins. She would offer me her Longan drink, which she stocks in her fridge in case if her grandchildren comes. She will always be giving us some money whenever we visit her. When she handed the money she will always tell us that it is not much, but this is all that she could afford to give. I would tell her thanks and she will kiss my cheek. Knowing that I won't be able to feel that kiss again makes me wanna cry so bad. But I know better. She is back to where she came from and I hope that she will be happy.

For the last 3 days, I was going to tahlil for Nenek. Everyone was there and I hope this will help her through the journey to the next world. No words can say on how much I love her.

There are so many thing that you have taught me and I will always remember that
family is everything. I hope you are in a happy place now, with Atok, Pak Noh
and the rest of the family. We will always remember you and deep in our hearts,
a part of you still lives.

Al-Fatihah.

Penned on @ 7:24 PM

_Saturday, April 19, 2008

It has been so long since i blog. Work has been very very busy. Welcoming 4 girls into SBUX family. Ms JE, JY, PW and KR. All of them will be taking something from me. MLY for JE, SRDC for JY and THA for KR. PW will be handling local with Ms Lcl. There were a few celebrations this week. Lotsa people bdae. So here goes...

Terrence in Orange

Peter in long tee

Suken

Kim in Black

Indah

Jess

Happy birthday to Mr M, Terrence. Mr AM, Peter . Ms OSA, Suken. Ms KW, Kim. Ms Lcl, Indah. And Ms JY, Jessie. Working with them is a blast. Till now,we are still having fun and I hope this will last for quite sometime.

Malin is getting tunang 2moro. She s like super duper excited. We have been cleaning house from noon just now and only now, they are all out of the house and I'm alone. Peace at last. Seriously, I can't stand the nagging when my mom and Malin is cleaning house. It's like I'm the one yang nak tunang. So I ended up not talking to mom. I hate when this happen. It's like end of the world. The only person laughing with me is Lulu. Love you!!!!

I haven't' had a chance to talk about my grandma. She has been warded since 3 weeks ago I think and this is not going well. We got news a few days ago that her organs are beginning to fail one by one. So that was one of the reason why I have been very very hectic. Yesterday, I went into the room and I saw something that I would never have seen. You see, my grandma is like a vegetable now. She cannot talk and she is barely conscious. So, when I went into the room yesterday, her eyes were wet. At first I thought that it was because the nurses just finished dressing and washing her up. But only her eyes were wet. And when she takes in her breath, she sounds like as though she is trying to control from crying. Ya Allah, please have mercy on my grandma and let her go in peace. I rather lose her than seeing her in pain every day. Amin.

Penned on @ 7:05 PM

_Sunday, April 6, 2008

I stumble upon 2 stories about women who hate what hey have been given. One is an american women, who decided to become a man and then to ge pregnant and have a baby. The other is a math prodigy, who now sells herself. The worst part is that, she is a muslim. Press on the links to view on each story.

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200804/20080403/slide_20080403_350_101.jhtml

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/3003_hooker.shtml

Penned on @ 6:19 PM

_Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Today was my parents 24th anniversary. I can't tell you how much I love them. Having them is among the most precious possession that any child could have. I do not have a recent picture of them.

See, my dad passed away almost 3 years ago. I have felt the feeling of loss. He was only 53. He was a strict father. We were all scare of him actually. I remembered my first slap on the face when I was 14. I was caught smoking. Stupid me, went to take picture while smoking away. Cried after that. Not because my cheek hurts, but because of the fact that I angered him. That night, I came down with high fever. Even though he was still upset with me, he still took the time to take my medicine and fed me while my mom went to get some wet cloth. I remembered a day in the hospital. He was in ICU, not able to walk. He was still able to talk though. He told me and Malin now that he is sick ,we cannot depend on him to climb the stairs and change the bulbs, we cannot depend on him to help us clean house. And for the first time in 20 years, I saw my father cried. I was in denial. I couldn't stand to see someone that I love so much, the pillar of my family in that state. Till now, I still remembered that day. I cannot forget his face. I love him so much. More than anyone could ever imagine. I admit that I have done many thing to anger him. Steal his cigarettes, sneak out at night. I would give anything just to tell him that I love him. I never got the chance to say that. I love him so much. Even though it has been almost three years, I cannot seem to face the fact that he's gone. It's like he went away for awhile and I am waiting for him to come back. I never had the chance to prove to him that I can be more that what he expect me of. Even though he is gone now, here are a few words.

Bapak, I know that I have disappointed you in many ways and I am so sorry for
that. I just wish that you are here now. Malin is getting engage in a about 2
weeks time. Mira is growing too fast. She has your temper. Ibu is missing you
badly. Though some bad things happened along the way to our family, I just want
you to know that no matter what, you will always be in our hearts. I just want
to tell you that I am sorry for all the hurt and anger that I have caused you.
And for never telling you that I love you so much. I love you Bapak. Al-fatihah.

My mom is among the strongest woman I have ever known. Even went Malin and I caused endless troubles for her, she will always be there for us. After my father passed away, she was hurt. For being left alone. But unlike me, she was able to accept the fact. It was hard on her I know. Malin was still studying then. Mira was only 11. I was unemployed. Ibu stood tall and strong, just to see us through life. I thank her for that. She gets up early, cook for us, went to work, clean the house. I must admit that I did took advantage of her. I was never cleaning house. Just bum around. Still, she stood by me. Followed me to interviews, always praying the best for the children. Even when she is sick, she will still cook for us. Ensure that Mira will always have her meals, her pocket money. Ensure that Malin will have a good rest cos she works long hours. Ensure that I make the right decisions, that I have enough rest so that I won't fall ill. I still remembered when I was 10. I was sleeping when I had a leg cramp. The pain was so unbearable that I screamed in pain. Hearing my pain, Ibu, sleeping in her room, woke up and calm me. She massaged my leg to ease the pain. I remembered the time when she lost her temper and beat the sense out of me. And that night, she cuddled me and said that she love me. Some words for Ibu.

Ibu, I know that you have been praying for the best for me, Malin and Mira. I am
truly sorry for all those times that I have hurt you. Just by giving birth to
me, I am thankful. I cannot imagine my life without you. You know me so well
that even when I am doing something wrong, I feel that you can sense it. I know
that life is hard on you. Even till now, no matter how sick you are, you still
strive through, for the sake of your children. I promise you that I will try to
give you the best of life. I love you Ibu. No words could ever describe how much
as I feel. I love you Ibu.

On a happier note, Malin turned 20 on yesterday, 31st March. Bought her a Balenciaga Bag which cost me my lunch money. Here's a speech to Malin.

You can be the most irritating person on earth. Trying to keep me awake when I
wanna sleep. Making me laugh when I am supposed to be angry. But I thank God
that you are my sister. Though you are only 20, you'll be someone else's soon. I
hope the journey that you are about to take will make you a better person. I
love you adek....

Penned on @ 11:55 PM